what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
