naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
