dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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