Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
