My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
