who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
