White coat. Heels.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
