i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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