We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Damn victory sex feels great
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
