Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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