Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Non-Jews are for practice
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
