Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
