Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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