Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
