I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
