piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
