wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Fuck appropriateness.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
