wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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