Can i not drive my cunt home
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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