saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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