I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
