How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
