she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
