I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
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It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
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By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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