the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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