and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
