Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
