Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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