I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
