dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
