I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Porn is love you can see.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
