found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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