I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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