the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
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You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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