Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
