my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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