All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
so much tequila, so little girl.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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