Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
