Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
