he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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