Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
