My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
