Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
