Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
