I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
