she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
