Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm too high and old for this...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
