Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
why do cheetos always look like penises
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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