i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
