At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
