The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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