You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
