having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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