I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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