So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
