the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
