I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
