I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I enjoy the company of your penis
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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