Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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