So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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