Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
