Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
