sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
