well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
