First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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