I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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