Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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