Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
