finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize