His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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