saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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