we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
