y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
