if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
where are my eyebrows?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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