Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
