Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
