someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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