The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
