That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
