Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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