last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
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Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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